How to have a successful ExtraMartial Relationship

Guide to having a more successful affair.

Like anything in life if we manage the risk then generally we are more successful with things. The same applies to having an illicit marital relationship. If you manage the relationship and not get to carried away then you can be successful without upsetting your current relationship.

We all too often hear “variety is the spice of life” and “what you don’t know can’t harm you” which are true, but all too often, we lose control of ourselves due to excitement or the regained feeling of lost emotions and expose ourselves to the slippery slope to relationship aggravation and possibly divorce.

In order to keep everyone happy including ourselves there are a few simple rules we can follow to minimise the risk.

Not too close to home

All too easy when the excitement of a lover is on the horizon. All logical thought goes out the window. On the male side the lower brain kicks in and the concept of rational thought is lost. For a woman the tummy butterflies occur but basically the same effect! The last thing you need is going out in your local vicinity and bumping into your brother/sister in law or close friend of the family and embarrassingly have to come up with some lame excuse. The rule here is obvious to quote an adage “don’t dirty on your own doorstep”.

Out of character

As part of the excitement and the irrational thought processes. Suddenly you start doing things you don’t normally do. Remember your partner knows you and your movements really well as they have been living with you a long time. Changing your schedule suddenly sends out the suspicion alerts. If you suddenly do have to take up snowboarding etc ensure it’s done as a slow process. The rule here is “Sudden changes alerts suspicions”.

Know the boundaries

Just as with any personal contact, know the relationship boundaries. Discuss with your lover how often you’ll meet and how you will contact each other etc. Over step the boundaries and not only your lover will get aggravated but you could possibly be out of character at home. Your partner may detect emotional changes i.e. you being snappy or angrier with them. Remember boundaries are set to protect all sides.

Stick to the boundaries

You know the boundaries you have set up with your lover, but due to the excitement or the renewed feeling of lost emotions you, or your lover wants more. Over stepping the boundary if it’s one sided could aggravate your lover and then you possibly will have to go through the whole process of having to find another one. Treat your lover as you like yourself to be treated. Don’t over step the boundaries you both have set if you want to keep your partner at home.

The communications trail

The advent of modern communications equipment like mobile phones and the Internet has meant it’s easier for people to have extra-marital relationships, but if you’re not careful it can be your biggest down fall. If you use shared equipment like computers, ensure you don’t use auto-logins and browser histories. It’s amazing how easy it is to arouse your partner’s curiosity and get them suspicious. Even on a dedicated machine the same applies. All too often your partner may ask can I borrow your computer I need to do Internet shopping and suddenly she auto-logs in to MSN with five other women! Bank statements and hotel bookings in the post are another give away. Some people even go as far as setting up independent bank accounts and having a different mobile phone to be extra safe.  There are now plenty of on line cards and site which don’t send bills or confirmation through the post. The golden rule here is “clean your trail” .

Like with like

This is worth mentioning.However some people will probably not agree with it. Both of you being married means you are in a similar predicament. You may both have children and have a long term relationship with partners. Having a relationship with a non-married lover increases the risk. Generally non-married lovers want to get married and have children. One thought is when they say “I’m looking for a no strings relationship” it really means up to a point.

Be yourself

All too often when people are having extra-marital relationships they start to think there’s “two of me”; the relationship and your character with your partner, and the relationship and your character with your lover. Don’t fall into this psychological trap and start going overboard thinking you’re a different person, it’s the same you. Human nature and relationships are complex and you’re only seeing yourself from another aspect. Just be yourself at home and with your lover.