Miranda's Illicit Affairs And Encounters

My insides are ON FIRE.  Honestly, readers this month I think someone must have been spiking my tea with the female equivalent of Viagra.  ALL month, all I have been able to think of is when, where and whom I can next leap upon to get my naughty little rocks off with. This is clearly somewhat unfortunate when A. It is minus one outside and I appear determined to where as little as humanly possible as often as possible.  B.  My husband has entirely lost his sex drive.

You often see it on female orientated chat rooms.  Women talking about at length about how they no longer feel the need to do the horizontal rumba with their spouses and long-term partners.  The drive just somehow seems to disappear behind the weight of endless washing rounds, nappy changes and domestic routine.  Slowly, as the woman turns into “mother” and “wife” more and more of the individual seems to slip away, until the woman no longer feels the need to partner physically with her partner. At this point often she will begin to worry that her man will seek his thrills elsewhere, or force herself into a once a week duty “fxxk” purely so she feels her marital commitments have been met.

To me this always seemed slightly sad.  A woman’s sexuality is so often tied into her mental state and the women in question never quite seem to realise that if they want to feel sexual again, they also need to feel like themselves. Let’s be honest girls, there is nothing sexy about fairy liquid and smelly socks now is there. A lunch with the girls every now and then, or a lipstick in a sultry shade of scarlet however can go a long way to making us feel like woman and not just automatons, capable of passion and desire on a par with the very best man-eater.

What is not talked about so often is when the desire lost is not on the side of the woman.  When a man who has never been hugely devoted to the pursuit of the carnal arts, what does the wife do.  Dress up like a slut?  Pander to his whims and offer him the sexual act of his choosing?  Get him drunk? It is so often assumed that men want it on tap and have to barter with their reluctant wives for their marital rights that the idea of a man just “not feeling like it” is rarely heard of and even less respected.

And yet, for me, this is my marriage. What started slowly has, over the year trailed away to once a month at best.  When you have a huge sex drive like me, this is a problem.  Over the years I have tried everything, from naughty nurse’s outfits to begging hubbie to visit the doctors.  Nothing has changed it.  He just isn’t very sexual.  The result of this is a gradual eroding of the feeling of being wanted.

No amount of money or compliments can change the feeling of utter despondency sexual rejection at the hands of the person you love can create.  My husband refuses to visit a doctor to talk about this problem and on more than one occasion attempted to make me feel guilty for wanting to be intimate with him more than once in the month.  He is not gay, loves me dearly and wants my happiness.  He just cannot be bothered with sex.

For years this made me feel as though I were doing something very wrong.  Nowadays I am just very aware of the fact that contrary to being a partners fault (breathe deeply this may be controversial) sexuality is OUR responsibility as individuals.  We need to make time to be physical, not just with our partners but with ourselves.  A relationship without sex is called friendship and whilst that has its place in a marriage, very often lack of intimacy will make one person very unhappy.  To keep a marriage on track you either need to work on your drive or accept that you have different drives and be able to allow your partner what you want for yourself – the right to choose how much sex they have and when.  This may well be with someone else.  Don’t like it? Do something about it. I appreciate my stance may be militant but it is the entire truth.

So what dear reader, do I do.  Well as you know I love my husband and don’t want to leave him so this month, with lover away, I have been very busy on our favourite illicit dating site. Fantasy, introductions and the promise of something new in my stockings very soon…..you shall have to excuse me, I need a cold shower…

Have a great December readers and I will see you all in the New Year!!

Firstly can I apologise for the lateness of my column this month, family life and crazy business have conspired to put me behind.

As you will all be aware, last week was Halloween, which just happens to be one of my absolute favourite yearly festivals.  I love the dressing up, changing of faces and spooky (slightly slutty if we are honest) costumes available.  Every year a friend has a huge Halloween bash and everyone competes to look like a glam witch or cat or whatever takes our fancy.

This year, seeing all my friends transformed, some for the better, some not so much, I got to thinking.  What is it about the murky dark side of life that brings out the sexual and desire to be a bit “underworld” in so many, otherwise very conservative women.

The Twilight phenomena, Vampire Diaries (Damon anyone – oh I would), Trueblood, Interview with a vampire, the list of films focussing on creatures that are in anyone’s mind a terrifying predator with an intensely sexual edge is endless.  Since Hollywood’s inception film after film and prior to that book after book have been filled with tales of lonely heart undead creatures just looking for a good meal and a good woman, with a pulse. 

Is it women’s desire to tame a bad man (or girl in Kate Beckinsdales case) and see the good even in the very worst?  Is it a secret desire to walk on the wild side and risk our lives?  Or even the romance and  mystery of a never ending life that thrills our mortal hearts so intensely.  Whatever it is it works for me and most of my friends. 

At around the thirty mark (ahem) I should be immune to fantasies of a dark and supernatural world and yet every time it gets me hot and flustered and interestingly feeling my most alive. Hence the reason for me making lover get a little bitey at our last meeting.  There is nothing like a little role play to really get your heart pounding and whether or not you follow my beliefs about infidelity, I definitely don’t think taking this time of year as an opportunity to explore your darker side in a safe environment will do anyone any harm.

The data from this survey is growing continually and here is a snapshot over the last 6 months. There are more polls on the way but they have not collected enough statistics yet for publishing.  The source of the data is free illicit dating site www.loveisthebug.com and although this data is copyrighted the copyright will be lifted if the data is used elsewhere provided the source is mentioned.  Please note data may not add up to 100% as we have removed answers lower down the poll results. A full set can obtained if so required.

If your partner found you having an affair would  (Total 1199 Polls)

1. You have no idea what they would do                       41.37%
2. Find your bags at the door                                      35.45%
3. You discuss it and try and find some resolution    18.18%
4. They not saying anything                                         5.00%

 If  You found the ideal perfect lover/soulmate would you  (Total 1938 Polls)  

1. Have no idea  what I would I Would do  45.67%
2. Keep Everything The Same                          38.44%
3. Consider Getting A Divorce                         15.89%

How far would you travel to meet a lover reguarly? (Total 1161 polls)

1. Distance is not an issue 21.71%
2. Less than 50 miles         12.23%
3. Less than 20 miles         11.2%
4. Less than 30 miles         9.56%

Do You Think Attiudes Are Becoming More Liberal Regarding Affairs? (Total 4715 polls)

1. Yes They Are        61.02%
2. I Have No Idea     30.92%
3. Definatley Not         8.06%

Would You Share In Secret with Friends the fact you are having Affairs? (Total 1476 polls)

1. I Haven’t Had An Affair Yet And Would Not Say Anything          40.45%
2.  I Have Had An Affair(s) And Would Not Say Anything        33.74%
3. I Dont Mind Discussing In Secret With Close Friends                    22.15%
4. I’m In An Open Relationship And My Partner Knows                      3.66%

How Many Affairs Have You Had? (Total 2927 polls)

1. I’m Looking For My First         55.65%
2. 1-3                                    27.23%
3. 3-6                                      5.84%
4. I’ve Lost Count                      4.41%
5. I’m here for other reasons        4.13%

Why Are You Looking For An Affair? (Total 1913 polls)

1. I’m Bored But Don’t Want To Upset What I’ve Got     38.00% 
2. I Have A Sexless Relationship But I’m Still Active    30.68%
3. I Like The Excitement Of What An Affair Offers         27.03
4. I Have An Open Relationship                                   4.29%

What Are You Looking For In A Lover? (Total 1154 polls)

1. It’s The Whole Package That Interests Me        56.15%
2. I’m Only Interested In Sex                              25.39%
3. Personality Is More Important                          11.96%
4. Must Have Great Looks & Body                   6.50%

What Age On Average Is Your Lover? (Total 874 polls)

1. Age Is Unimportant                44.05%
2. 1 – 5 Years Younger              14.76%
3. 5 – 10 Years Younger             13.62%
4. 1 – 5 Years Older                   12.24%
5. 5 – 10 Years Older                   7.09%
6. 10 – 15 Years Younger            4.46%

What Excuse Would You Use To Go And See A lover? (Total 3102 polls)

1. I Will Be Working Late This Evening               31.56%
2. I’m Going Around To A friends                         23.31%
3. I’m Going Out With Someone At The Office   16.63%
4. I’m Going On A Business Trip                           15.60%