Miranda's Illicit Affairs And Encounters

My insides are ON FIRE.  Honestly, readers this month I think someone must have been spiking my tea with the female equivalent of Viagra.  ALL month, all I have been able to think of is when, where and whom I can next leap upon to get my naughty little rocks off with. This is clearly somewhat unfortunate when A. It is minus one outside and I appear determined to where as little as humanly possible as often as possible.  B.  My husband has entirely lost his sex drive.

You often see it on female orientated chat rooms.  Women talking about at length about how they no longer feel the need to do the horizontal rumba with their spouses and long-term partners.  The drive just somehow seems to disappear behind the weight of endless washing rounds, nappy changes and domestic routine.  Slowly, as the woman turns into “mother” and “wife” more and more of the individual seems to slip away, until the woman no longer feels the need to partner physically with her partner. At this point often she will begin to worry that her man will seek his thrills elsewhere, or force herself into a once a week duty “fxxk” purely so she feels her marital commitments have been met.

To me this always seemed slightly sad.  A woman’s sexuality is so often tied into her mental state and the women in question never quite seem to realise that if they want to feel sexual again, they also need to feel like themselves. Let’s be honest girls, there is nothing sexy about fairy liquid and smelly socks now is there. A lunch with the girls every now and then, or a lipstick in a sultry shade of scarlet however can go a long way to making us feel like woman and not just automatons, capable of passion and desire on a par with the very best man-eater.

What is not talked about so often is when the desire lost is not on the side of the woman.  When a man who has never been hugely devoted to the pursuit of the carnal arts, what does the wife do.  Dress up like a slut?  Pander to his whims and offer him the sexual act of his choosing?  Get him drunk? It is so often assumed that men want it on tap and have to barter with their reluctant wives for their marital rights that the idea of a man just “not feeling like it” is rarely heard of and even less respected.

And yet, for me, this is my marriage. What started slowly has, over the year trailed away to once a month at best.  When you have a huge sex drive like me, this is a problem.  Over the years I have tried everything, from naughty nurse’s outfits to begging hubbie to visit the doctors.  Nothing has changed it.  He just isn’t very sexual.  The result of this is a gradual eroding of the feeling of being wanted.

No amount of money or compliments can change the feeling of utter despondency sexual rejection at the hands of the person you love can create.  My husband refuses to visit a doctor to talk about this problem and on more than one occasion attempted to make me feel guilty for wanting to be intimate with him more than once in the month.  He is not gay, loves me dearly and wants my happiness.  He just cannot be bothered with sex.

For years this made me feel as though I were doing something very wrong.  Nowadays I am just very aware of the fact that contrary to being a partners fault (breathe deeply this may be controversial) sexuality is OUR responsibility as individuals.  We need to make time to be physical, not just with our partners but with ourselves.  A relationship without sex is called friendship and whilst that has its place in a marriage, very often lack of intimacy will make one person very unhappy.  To keep a marriage on track you either need to work on your drive or accept that you have different drives and be able to allow your partner what you want for yourself – the right to choose how much sex they have and when.  This may well be with someone else.  Don’t like it? Do something about it. I appreciate my stance may be militant but it is the entire truth.

So what dear reader, do I do.  Well as you know I love my husband and don’t want to leave him so this month, with lover away, I have been very busy on our favourite illicit dating site. Fantasy, introductions and the promise of something new in my stockings very soon…..you shall have to excuse me, I need a cold shower…

Have a great December readers and I will see you all in the New Year!!