Miranda's Illicit Affairs And Encounters

I thought it was about time I “put pen to paper” in the hope that some or more of you may find interest in the ramblings of the King of the highway, the Prince of the boulevard, the Duke of the avant-garde. After all, the world is my backyard.
I shall begin with impact.

We are destroying our society and this is chiefly due to gender conflict. Men trying to retain control and Women trying to take control. This is not the way.

 We must become more aware of the differences between “Equality” and “The same”. We are not the same and the more we try, the more we are destroying our own chances of happiness. We must learn once more to respect one another, acknowledging and appreciating the different skills the other possesses. If we have identical skills the probability of a successful relationship is greatly reduced. Nature has given Men and Women different but complementary strengths and skills and the more we deny them and attempt to imitate others, the worse the situation will become. Rejoice in yourself. We exist to complement each other. Stop arguing about who is in charge and get on with living. Relearn the joy of companionship, a companion to walk the road of life, or a part of it. Be proud of your gender and flaunt it. Be proud of the opposite gender for with them as team mate, your life will be far more.
So, when you search for a relationship, search for a team mate, a lover, a friend, to walk with and damned be they whose selfishness and desire for conflict means they treat their opposites with distain. Ignore them and find someone to appreciate who appreciates you and your sex.

Loveisthebug member:  Thomas O Malley

Well, its xmas time again fellow philanderers and what does Santa Libertine have in store for you in his sack?

Well, firstly, lets see what kind of a year it has been. For me, I was kind of stuck in a rut at the beginning of the year. I was enjoying occasional flings with co workers and the odd drunken one nighter and trying to find women on the infamous married paysites was a waste of time and effort and really, if anyone out there is even considering it, don’t. I found loveisthebug on a google search and met some truly wonderful people and have had so much fun and the best first date of my life with the truly scrumptious Lily. I still enjoyed the odd bit of fun and games with willing co workers and also enjoyed the benefits of a blank facebook account and the are you interested application which, if you have a lot of patience, can reap rewards.

So, what gifts does santa Libertine have for you? A few pearls of wisdom for the winter nights ahead

1. If anyone, anyone at all, suggests that you do the donkey punch, say no.

2. If you are engaging in anal sex this year, don’t make the poor girl do ass to mouth afterwards, it may seem fun at the time but you will just end up feeling bad about yourself and who needs that at xmas time?

3. No matter what, never cheat on your wife with her sister, it just makes family gatherings that little bit more awkward

4. unless she is very very hot

5. Do not in engage in incest, I don’t care how hot your sister, mother, aunt, brother is, stop it.

6. Do try and have sex while listening to xmas carols, I recommend the works of bing Crosby and nat king cole as particularly useful in this instance though I would avoid the chipmunks Christmas album.

7. Do not have your girl go down after you have had eggnog, it is not nice I am reliably informed

 8. Do not videotape yourself having sex with your partner unless you are willing to share this with the world wide web. Trust me, it will end up there eventually anyway.

9. Be wary of what magazines your partner reads, I have spied several recently with very good tips on how to catch guys cheating and I was surprised by how devious people can be. The software that tracks your keystrokes and the device that lets you listen in on your partners calls are particularly worrying.

10. Remember if you are buying a xmas gift for your girlfriend or girlfriends try and buy them all the same thing, that way you never have to remember who got what.

11. Remember that xmas hotel rates go through the roof so book way in advance if you are planning on getting away.

12. Do not be the guy at the office xmas party that walks around with mistletoe tucked into his jeans. Nobody likes this guy.

Do have as much fun as you can, be safe and have a very very good xmas. I’ll be back with some new years related tomfoolery in a month or so.

Loveisthebug Member: Libertine

So, I said last time I would, in the interests of fairness, do a piece of women who don’t leave you the hell alone, no matter how much you want them to.

 Right now, in this very column, I am going to let you in on a secret. Men actually love being stalked, they really do, even if they don’t like the girl.

They sit in the pub with their mates and say things like

“God, that bitch won’t leave me alone, she calls all the time and she emails and she’s always turning up places she knows I go to. I don’t know what to do.”

 What they are actually saying is “This woman loves me so much she can’t bear to be without me, be jealous.”

 They are only bringing it up to get one over on their mates and make them jealous, which it invariably does. Guys will almost always end up sleeping with their stalkers at least once because, well, why not? It’s always useful to have a girl to screw if you are going through a dry spell and you don’t have to spend any time seducing a stalker, they just give it away and they’re always grateful for what they get. Furthermore, guys  are not so stupid as not to know this will encourage their stalker further in their pursuit which they will continue to reject and accept ad nauseum until it ends.

 I have female friends who have used this tactic to devastating effect, literally stalking the shit out a guy until he eventually has no resistance left and commits to them, it works!

 I think this is because guys use their sex appeal as a barometer to their success in life in much the same way women do only men are more open, at least to other men, about this attempt to bolster their social status.

 That being said, there is always, in most guys lives, one woman who fell for them after one drunken nights semi conscious passion and won’t accept, despite damning evidence to the contrary that the guy in question is not interested. So here, free of charge, is my helpful guide to girls who just don’t know when to quit.

1. If we don’t call/email you, ever, we are not playing hard to get, we don’t care about you enough to bother
2. We know that you will definitely put out for us and we still don’t date you, that should say something to you, shouldn’t it?
3. If we do not remember who you are when you call us, this is not a good sign.
4. Don’t call us, we will call you. If we want you bad enough, we will call, if we don’t, there you are.
5. Do not ever, ever, ever show up at our workplace./home/gym/favourite pub without express permission. We do not find this endearing and will not react well. We will tell our friends that you did it to bolster our reputation as a stud and this will make people you don’t even know make fun of you.
6. Do not make a scene in a restaurant or club when you see us out with another girl. The reasons you should not do this are many and include:

A)    It’s really undignified

B)    We will enjoy it more than you

C)    It will definitely make our new girl put out for us

D)    Our new girl will pity you and no one wants to be pitied

That’s all for now, I’m open for ideas for new columns so if you have any subjects you would like me to hold court on, let me know through the admins at the site.

Loveisthebug Member: Libertine

What is it with men, as a species, that makes us not understand the principles of rejection? Why do we simply, as one of my female friends put it, not get it?

Sometimes it is the fault of the woman in question and more specifically, her desire to not wound the fragile male ego. I can understand that and the warm place it comes from but really, for all you women out there, a straight forward brutal rejection is much better for all concerned.

 You see, men are hopeful creatures, they thrive on possibility and anything short of a brutal shut down is going to look like their might be a possibility of something happening someday and that, ladies, is what you don’t want. I am blessed with many female friends and amongst them one thing remains constant, almost all of them are plagued by men who never stop hounding them for a date no matter how politely they decline and there is the problem.

They are too damn polite about it. Men are indoctrinated at birth into the cult of anything short of an outright no is in fact a yes or at worst a maybe and no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary will always persist with the object of their affections no matter how sad, pathetic or outright insane they appear. So, in the interest of public service here are some guidelines on how to end a suitors unwanted attentions.

Where you might say ‘it just isn’t the right time for me to be dating’ What he heard is: She wants to date me, just not right now Instead say ‘ I would not date you if we were the last two people on earth and you had all the chocolate’

Where you might say ‘ I like you as a friend’ What he heard is: Yes, she likes me, I will be getting laid soon Instead say ‘ I like you as a person but the idea of getting naked with you makes me want to vomit over and over again’

 Where you might say ‘ I just have too much going on at work at the moment’ What he heard is: I want to date you and will do as soon as my work lets up Instead say ‘I would willingly emigrate to avoid ever seeing you again’ You get the point by now I’m sure.

Men are hardy creatures and essentially are used to rejection and whatever you say they have probably heard worse. So in future, do a brother a favour and tell him where to go, namely as far way from you as possible. In the interest of balance, next month we will discuss women who just won’t go away even when you ask them to with a restraining order.

What the hell is going on with the world right now?

I mean, sexually, is it me or has the world gone absolutely mental?
I am referring in this instance to the phenomenon of the ‘Donkey Punch’ recently popularised in the film of the same name.

For the uninitiated this particular act consists of , whilst engaged in anal sex, punching a person in the back of neck at the point of orgasm so as to create an involuntary tightening of the muscles thereby increasing the experience of the orgasm significantly.
Now, firstly, this makes no medical sense but leaving that point alone for a while lets look at the brass tacks of the situation.

If you are lucky enough to be able convince your partner to engage in a bit of anal sex then I would consider showing my gratitude for this selfless act by buying her some flowers or taking her to dinner or any one of a hundred other simple romantic gestures that would convey my happiness for her having allowed me this pleasure. I would not class punching her in the back of the neck as a suitable way of expressing my affection at the best of times let alone when she is in the all fours position.

Who thought this one up?
Who suggested it as a possible way to make anal sex better?
Who convinced themselves and their partner that this was medically sound advice?
I need answers people!!

That isn’t all that’s going on out there though. May I ask who in the hell thinks vomiting on your partner is arousing?

Now, I consider myself a pretty liberated guy but if the girl I’m with suggests upchucking on my chest in the middle of some deeply satisfying cowgirl action then I think my response would probably be for her to seek some help at the earliest opportunity.

The same goes for the scatophiles out there. What on earth possesses these people to take a dump on each other for sexual gratification? At what point during a relationship do you bring this up?

At what point do you say
‘You know what darling, this sex stuff is great and all but what would really float my boat right about now is if you took a great steaming dump on my chest’

Is there ever a good time? And I thought I was pushing the boat out asking for some anal now and again.

The worlds a confusing place for sure so until next time give the donkey punch a miss and try ordering flowers instead

Ever thought about a threesome? I bet you have. Either positively or negatively, I bet you have thought about having one at least once.
I will further wager that a few of you have probably actually done it and maybe some of you have made some kind of poly-amorous relationship out of the experience.
But I will also bet you this, of the people that have had threesomes, foursomes, orgies of all kinds I am willing to bet real money that the majority of you found it to be something of a let down?

Yes, your faithful libertine is ready to smite the biggest of falsehoods that dominate teenage and adult male fantasy, the myth that the threesome is the ultimate sexual adventure.
Yeah, it really isn’t. I have been in the threesome situation a couple of times and after a heady ten minutes of thinking ‘Oh my God, I’m having a threesome’ you start to think to yourself.
‘Shouldn’t it be more exciting than this?’

Here’s where I think the problem lies, men have been conditioned by pornography and even mainstream cinema to think that every threesome is a well coordinated sexual explosion
where everyone is really into it and the participants exchange positions effortlessly like an expertly played game of Tetris.

The simple truth is that it doesn’t work like that. Its more like a curious fumbling topped off by three people all trying to pretend they are much cooler than they really are and are all totally au fait with the logistics of three way sex and aren’t remotely bothered by the elbow/foot/ knee that just hit them in the head.

But even if you master the logistics, even if you get past the nervous laughter, you still have the biggest conundrum of all to deal with…How does it all end?

Usually I know how a given sexual adventure is going to end or at least how I want it to end and can kind of engineer proceedings toward that point but with a threesome?
I’ve been in a couple and your guess is as good as mine. They seem to just peter out rather than build to some incredible three way orgasmic crescendo which leaves you feeling rather
odd and everyone thinking to themselves

Did we do it right?’

I’m not trying to discourage you from sexual adventuring and experimentation, after all it is only by trying everything that we learn anything but I would advise a word of caution.

Some fantasies are better left as fantasies and some ides, though they occupy every moment of your adolescent brain, are better left as just ideas.
That being said, if there are any women reading this who wish to prove me wrong on said subject, I am available through the usual address.

Do whatever you like but don’t ever fall in love.

The main problem you may find with your new lover is, quite simply, you just plain old fall in love with them. We may think to ourselves that we are suitably jaded, morally grey individuals who are pragmatic at best around love but deep down, its like a virus you can’t shake and you can catch it without even realising it. So, for your edification, I have some good reasons why you shouldn’t let infatuation grow into anything more.

Firstly, its supposed to be uncomplicated and have you ever come across a situation that falling in love didn’t make more complex?

Secondly, remember you only get half the person you are seeing, you never get the whole. People in affairs tend to exhibit the most endearing aspects of their character and rarely do you get a glimpse of how crazy and annoying actual humans can be when you have to spend 24 hours a day in their company.

Thirdly, the same is true in reverse. You may think your lover is the only person that really ‘gets’ you but they don’t actually. They get what you give them and that’s only ever a percentage of the actual human being you are. Indeed, only someone that lives with you really knows the whole person and even then sometimes not.

Fourthly, it is easy to confuse infatuation with love. The person you are seeing gives you that excitement and those butterflies and that electricity you used to feel for your husband or wife. There’s a reason for that, its because they are someone new. Infatuation fades with time and then it becomes just another relationship just with more rules and structure than your marriage.

Fifthly, stick to the rules. You know what the rules are, you know when your time with your lover is and when they have their own time with their families and you need to respect that. You start messing with the rules you start making things difficult for the other person and why do you want to do that? You should be trying to be as uncomplicated as possible for them not making their lives impossible.

Sixthly, avoid jealousy. If you find hearing about her husband or his wife too difficult then just make a rule that you don’t discuss your other lives while you’re with each other. My rule of thumb is to never discuss my home situation unless specifically asked about it and then only to give the most basic details.

Finally, remember that love expressed but not reciprocated is the biggest turn off in the world. If you tell your lover you have fallen in love with them and they don’t feel the same (and its odds on they don’t) then they will feel they need to dump you faster than Lewis Hamilton on an autobahn.

Loveisthebug Member: Libertine

So, I thought I would talk about something real today. I thought I would talk about some of the women in my life and what roles they play and how strange it can all seem sometimes. I am married and my wife is a really great person who very much understands me and does sleep with me.

I’m not going to go into some whiny self indulgent psycho babble about why I continue to cheat when the person I married doesn’t do anything to warrant such behaviour but that would be dull for both of us, so I won’t.

 My wife is the stable influence in my life. I need this because I have a habit of being rather unstable and generally a bit chaotic when there isn’t a good stable influence around. I owe her very much and generally speaking treat her very well, apart from the whole sleeping with other people thing obviously.

Secondly, there is my best friend A, she is my rock and I adore her utterly. Never anything sexual, just a great friend who rocks my world every day, one of those people that appear like angels, when you need them most, kissed and heaven sent.

She encourages me to misbehave and believes that life is just a collection of moments and that you should wring every last ounce of joy out of every damn one of them.I love her very much.

 Thirdly, another best friend that resurfaced in my life after a long hiatus. She damn well knocks my socks off and always has. We have slept together many times and I love her very much and we are both fools for not just getting together years ago and accepting we are the only two people crazy enough to want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. She tells me not to misbehave but secretly likes it when I do as it encourages her to misbehave as well.

 Fourthly, there is my buddy from work, the crazy Austrian who I have slept with on occasion and who is at the moment having a pop at me for not doing any work and writing this blog. She is stern but wickedly funny and has a no shit attitude to life that I find alternately invigorating and frightening. She is one cool customer and can make a mean schnitzel.

 Fifthly, and we are getting into some personal territory here, is my wife’s best friend. The first time we were in a room together there this was weird tension that I thought was just a dislike of me by her which I was disappointed by but accepted. It was only during a long car journey where our respective other halves were sleeping that we both talked to each other for the first time and discovered it wasn’t dislike that fuelled the intensity of our first meeting, it was quite the opposite.

She is a free spirit and a true child of the world, she wants to see and do everything possible in the time she has. Her energy is exhausting but exhilarating at the same time and we both know the intensity between us is leading to something but we have also, in the rare moments we have dared broach the subject, conceded that any relationship between the two of us is destined to create impossible situations for all concerned.

 Finally, there is this woman I never even met, not even once and yet haunts me. She is probably insane and almost definitely a nightmare to be in a relationship with but I find her intoxicating. Her written words, her voice, her candour, her elegant sexuality and her decadent philosophy.  I sense she will lead me astray but then hey, what are friends for?

 Loveisthebug member: Libertine

So, this month I thought I would talk a little about how to progress from the moment you spot a profile you like to actually meeting for the first time.

You will have heard or read several ‘rules’ before on how you should do this or do that but I think, in keeping with my libertine theme, we would throw out the rulebook and start again. After all, if we were the kind of people who stuck to the rules, we wouldn’t be here, would we?

So, first things first.

When you find a profile you like the look of it is a good idea to begin a dialogue. By dialogue I mean an actual conversation with questions and answers rather that a two line message reading “I’m Paul, Wanna Shag?”
Seriously, put some effort into it guys. Keep your first message short and friendly and if you want to include a photo then by all means do but make it a photo of your face not your abs and definitely not your penis, even if it is impressive.
All prospective dates will do is think you are what you are showing them, a prick with no personality.
If she replies then we are off to the races. A reply indicates the first shred of interest, it is up to you to capitalise on this interest and build it into genuine attraction.
The best way to do this?
Ask questions.
Seriously, it is the best way forward I know. Ask good questions though, make the other person think. Ask them stuff that’s off the wall but make it interesting. Ask them what their favourite word is or the dumbest thing they’ve ever done or what they wanted to be when they were a kid. You learn a lot from the answers of these questions and it’s a fun conversation that builds up trust between you.
The first thing any woman will need to ascertain before she meets you is whether or not you are a psychotic murderer. This is a fairly important question for them to answer in their minds and the more you can do to assuage that fear the better. I find it best to let the woman dictate the terms of any meeting herself. Tell her she can suggest anywhere she likes and suggest a public place. She will appreciate that you have thought of her concerns in this way.
On the first meeting a kiss on the cheek is generally acceptable but don’t push physical contact more than that unless she wants you to.
Generally a first meeting is about getting to know you better in a real world setting so do not expect anything more from it than a conversation.
Third or fourth meetings are generally more likely to involve sex but this is not a guarantee and you shouldn’t expect it.
Remember that the woman you are seeing is seeing you because there is something missing in her life, it is your job to figure out what that something is and become it for her.
Also, the golden rule is that women who date this way are generally looking for this to be as uncomplicated as possible so don’t bring stress and jealousy to the table with you. Be the one thing in her life that is just easy.

One last thing before I sign off, please remember that most married women who have affairs do not ever leave their husbands so fall for them at your peril. Date them by all means, sleep with them of course but be aware that this is only a casual thing and keep it uncomplicated.

Have I hit the nail on the head or does this sound like nonsense to you? Let me know your thoughts. Until next time, happy hunting.

Loveisthebug Member: Libertine

Having some good conversations with some of the wonderful women that make up the loveisthebug membership. Proof positive that a site like this can work if people are willing to give it a try. Returning to the theme of my last blog, the reasons why people are here, I find a wide disparity of explanations and even apologies from different people. I don’t get the apologists at all, what do you have to be sorry for exactly? I find a lot of people who feel a need to justify their behaviour as though they are starting out from a position that what they are doing is wrong. I think that is a fundamental error and can only bring about feelings of guilt and uncertainty where you should be feeling excited and invigorated by the new horizons opening up to you. If you are here, the reasons are obvious, you are unfulfilled with the relationship you are currently having or you wish to seek out a relationship with someone who will not try to ‘own’ you or both. That is fine and dandy but you should feel good about it and to those who feel guilty I say this. The simple truths of life are these.

1. You deserve happiness

2. You are entitled to find your happiness in whatever way you see fit

3. This life, for better or worse, is the only life we will ever know.

4. To waste your life is to insult those that gave it to you and those who never had the opportunity of one.

 I truly believe in the libertine philosophy which is why I took the name and I firmly believe in the power of people to make decisions about what is best for them as individuals rather than subscribing to some group ethic that was set down in stone centuries ago by people whose main concern was living to be thirty and avoiding being used as a human pin cushion by marauding roman centurions. I am not criticising those who choose to follow such religious paths but I do urge restraint and logic to those that would follow the good book. It must be remembered that it only represents the best thinking of its time and was never intended to be applied to modern culture and was instead designed to correct the abhorrent behaviour prevalent in the time it was written. Base your morality of what you think is right and wrong, not what anyone else thinks and your life will be a happier and more fulfilled one. In history, every single significant advancement in philosophy or ingenuity came from one person standing up and saying “I know you all think this is the way to go but I think differently and I’m going my own way” Be proud of who you are, be proud of what you do and accept no censure or insult from anyone who doesn’t understand you. This site and others represent a new thinking, a new philosophy, a new way and I for one am proud to be part of it.

Loveisthebug Member Libertine